Two years later
by 19x19
Summary: Loosely related stories set a couple of years post-continuity. AkiHika. For those of you who have read previous chapters, the first chapter is the one most recently written and posted, because it occurs earlier than the others.
1. Coming Out

"Shindou, we have to come out."

"Out? You mean out out, as in out? Out?"

"What I mean is, we need to tell everyone about us. About our relationship. Unless we tell people ourselves, we can't control who finds out or how. Eventually, somebody is going to figure out that we didn't move in together to save money on rent."

"Yeah, I guess. If we were characters in a TV show, somebody would figure it out in no time. Like by seeing us kissing in the elevator or something."

"We only did that once! And it was your idea!"

"I'm just saying, if we were fictional characters, we would have got caught right away. If it was a comedy show, by somebody so it would be maximally embarrassing. Oh no."

"What?"

"I was just thinking of Kawai-san. You don t know him, but trust me, that would be totally embarrassing if he was the one. Or if we were characters in a drama instead of a comedy, somebody evil and ruthless would find out and blackmail us. Maybe Ochi, or Zama sensei."

"They aren't evil, just not likeable. But still, don't you see my point now? I don't want my parents to find out about us because someone like Zama sensei tells my father. It's not going to be easy for us to tell them, but we have to. I have to. And you have the same problem."

"Not really. I mean, nobody in the Go world knows my parents. Everybody could know and they'd never find out."

"Your grandfather plays Go. What if he walks into a Go salon, starts bragging about you getting into the Honinbou league, and one of the other customers in the salon tells him that his grandson is a deviant?"

"Oh, why do you have to go around being right about things like that, Touya? It's so - depressing."

* * *

"Are you nervous, Touya?"

"Of course I am. Apart from you, my parents are the most important people in my life. I owe everything to them. And I don't want to disappoint them."

"Do you think they'll be mad? They're so traditional. What if they order you to commit suicide?"

"They're traditional, not crazy! They live in the modern world. They know that relationships like ours are a lot more common nowadays, so I don't think they ll be shocked."

"But disappointed, maybe?"

"Maybe." Touya sighed. "I've never heard my parents say anything bad about same-sex relationships, but-"

"But they might say something bad if they find out that their son is in one?"

"Uh huh. They can't force me to leave you, but...the worst thing I can imagine happening is if they tell me I have to choose between them and you. That would be - awful."

"Even if you gave me up, that probably wouldn't be enough. They'd want you to marry a girl."

"All the more so, once they find out I have, you know, tendencies. Traditionally minded people might not actually care that much if I had an extramarital relationship with a man provided I was married to a woman. But I couldn't do that. It wouldn't be fair to anyone involved."

"It sounds weird, that anyone would think that that was OK."

"Well, it would have made more sense back when people were told who to marry by their families. The wife wouldn't have necessarily expected her husband to love her, or even like her. But that was then. My parents aren't going to order me to marry anyone. The thing is, Shindou, I know, I mean, there are some things I know they won't do. But I have no idea what they _will_ do. Or say."

"That must be scary." Touya silently nodded acknowledgment. "Do you want me to be there when you tell them?"

"It's probably best if you aren't. I don't think they'd be comfortable speaking frankly with you present, and I really need to know what they think. Even if it's bad. Especially if it is."

* * *

Shindou understood Touya's reasons for speaking to his parents alone, but that didn't mean he liked the idea. He especially didn't like standing at the gate of the Touya home while his lover was inside facing such a potentially difficult situation. Each minute seemed like an hour. For once he wished that he smoked, so that he could at least have something to do with his hands, a routine to go through that would take his mind off of things, if only for a moment.

Akira came hurtling out of the house. He half walked, half ran towards the street where Shindou waited. His face was pale, and he was staring blankly. Shindou expected him to stop at the gate, but he just kept going on down the street.

"Akira!" Calling out had no effect; Touya just kept going. What had happened inside? Shindou, overcome with anger, rushed towards the house. He would punch whoever...but then he stopped. Just who would he punch, anyway? Touya's tiny mother? Or his father, who had a bad heart? He stood there for a moment, then turned and went to find Akira.

He caught up with Touya in the next block.

"What happened? Did they order you to give me up?" Shindou's mind raced. What if they had? He knew how close Touya was with his parents. Especially with his father.

"No." Touya seemed to start to add more, but it seemed to much for him and he simply half stepped, half collapsed into Shindou's waiting arms. "It wasn't what they said," he whispered in Shindou's ear, "it was how they said it."

Shindou fought off the desire to go back to the Touya house and punch someone regardless of gender, size or heart condition. It wasn't easy.

"Let's go home, Akira," he said.

* * *

Touya lay in bed, watching as it gradually grew light. He was a morning person, which Shindou certainly was not. Usually he would have gotten up and studied while waiting for Shindou to wake up, but this morning he didn't feel like Go. He lay in bed listening to Shindou's breathing. Shindou could be a bit dense-even very dense sometimes-but yesterday he'd somehow known without asking that Touya didn't want to talk about the meeting with his parents. They'd come home, had dinner, played some Go and gone to bed without talking much at all. But that had only put off matters.

Shindou stirred.

"Touya, you're still in bed."

"Let's talk."

"About yesterday?"

"Yes. It's not good, but probably not as bad as I was thinking. It's funny, it was sort of the opposite of what I expected. I thought that my father would be angry but my mother would calm him down, try to keep the peace in the family."

"That's not what happened?"

"No. I said what I'd rehearsed. How I loved you and you loved me and that we wanted to stay together forever. I think that went OK. I said it mostly right, I mean. Then I looked up. My mother's face-I've never seen her so angry. She started to say, I forget exactly what. That I needed to think carefully about what I was doing. My father interrupted her. He said something like 'Akira is a Go player, he's thought about all the possible consequences for his actions. He wouldn't ask us for permission to do something he'd done already, or forgiveness for something he intended to continue doing.' I've been thinking about it. My father is always sure he's right. If he'd said that I was wrong to do as I did, I could never expect to be able to change his mind. But he didn't say that. When I think about it, his words amounted to: 'you did what you did'. Maybe he just doesn't want to get involved in something he finds distasteful. But it could be he's telling me that it's my life. And that he has some confidence that I'll be able to make good decisions. He said that I was a Go player. I don't think he would have said that if he was angry."

* * *

Shindou's father was out of town again. Touya and Shindou talked it over and decided that the two of them would both go and talk to Shindou's mother.

The three of them were sitting in the kitchen drinking tea. After some harmless remarks were exchanged, a lull settled in. Shindou and Touya exchanged looks that said "well, here goes."

Shindou bit his lip, look a deep breath and plunged in.

"Mom, I have, I mean, Touya and I have something to we need to tell you. We, um, I mean, the two of us..." Shindou paused and took another deep breath.

"All men are the same, aren't they Touya-kun?" Shindou-san interrupted. "They just can't seem to say the word 'love'."

Hikaru's jaw dropped. "You knew, mom?"

"I know now. Before I just suspected. If you're wondering what gave you away, it's that you've seemed unusually happy lately. Touya-kun, sometimes I think that my son was taken away and exchanged for a stranger. One day, Hikaru started playing Go, and since then I've hardly understood a thing about his life. I doubt I'll ever really understand anything about Go. Love, though-I can recognize that when I see it. I have to warn you, though, Touya-kun, Hikaru can be just impossible sometimes. Remind him twenty times to call you and he'll still forget. Now, I can see you know what you've gotten yourself into. But if you ever want to call someone and shout into the telephone for a while about what a thoughtless lout this boy can be sometimes, let me give you my number."

"Mom!"

"Shh, Hikaru. You're so lucky to have found someone like Touya-kun. Don't screw this up."

"Why do you make it sound like I'm such an impossible-well, at least you're not mad," Hikaru thought about Touya's parents and how they'd reacted. No, things could be a lot worse.

"Touya-kun, I don't know everything about relationships, but I do have two pieces of advice for you. Don't be afraid to have a fight. It's much better to get something off your chest than let it keep bothering you. The other thing is, find something you enjoy doing together. Something other than Go."

Touya felt his ears turn red. Shindou-san put her hand to her mouth to cover her smile, but he could see the amusement in her eyes, which just made him blush harder.

"Well, that is something other than Go," she said.

* * *

Telling Heihachi was easier. Maybe it was practice, or maybe just that he had always had a soft spot for Hikaru.

"Well, don't the two of you expect me to understand these modern relationships. I can't say if it's a good thing or a bad thing, you'll have to work that out for yourselves. But don't worry, Hikaru, you're still my favorite grandson."

"I'm your _only_ grandson, ogii-chan!"

"Well, that means you're also my least favorite. Or can I count Touya-kun as a grandson too? You know, I never expected to have this problem. Hikaru, you might end up being my least favorite grandson, but out of the two of you."

"Ogii-chan!"

"You know, I may seem pretty clueless about all this, Touya-kun, and I suppose mostly I am. But don't imagine that you re the first boys who ever fell in love with each other."

"We never supposed that, Shindou-san."

"You re not even the first I've known. It was back when I was about your age. I haven't thought about this in a long time. After the war a lot of people from other parts of the country moved to Tokyo. Everything was very unstable back then. Things were changing, but nobody knew if it was for the better or not. Now there was this new boy in our high school class. I forget what his name was, but anyway he fell in love with one of my classmates. A friend of mine. _His_ name, of course I remember but it doesn't really matter, does it? All I'm trying to say is, it did happen back in those times too. Nobody talked about it, but their friends knew. We did. And maybe things could have stayed like that. But those two didn't keep it quiet enough. I don't know if they told their folks, hoping for the best, or they simply got caught. Their families-well, in those days accepting something like that, simply wouldn't have happened. No way. So the new boy's whole family went away, back to wherever it was they had come from. I'm thinking it was Kagoshima, or maybe it was Kagawa. Someplace far away. I never heard anything about him after that. So far as I know, none of us did."

"What happened to your friend who stayed in Tokyo?"

"He lived the rest of his life. Got married, had kids. Worked as a chemist. Died a couple of years ago, of cancer. I always figured it was those chemicals he had to work with. They're always finding that one of them turns out to have been dangerous all along." He paused a moment. "So he lived his life like anybody else. But you know, now when I think of it, I don't remember him being as happy afterward as he was before his boy friend got sent away."

* * *

"Touya?"

"Umm?"

"We're sort of out now, right?"

"What do you mean, sort of out?"

"Our families know, but that's it. And I don't think they re going to tell anybody. Well, my mom might tell her friends, but I doubt it. My grandfather didn't seem mad at us, but I don t think he'll be bragging to his friends at the Go salon that his grandson is having sex with Touya Akira. And I certainly don't see your folks telling anybody."

"Hardly. My parents are probably hoping that if they ignore our relationship it will go away."

"So that means that the problem you brought up, we still have it."

"Huh?"

"I mean, somebody will figure it out, and tell everybody. Unless we do it first. So who do you want everybody to learn about us from? Waya? Ochi? Ogata-san? Mashiba? Zama sensei? Really Touya, I think we should do something, but I m not sure what would work best. If you've got any ideas, I'd be OK with whatever made sense for you."

"Well, I suppose we could do some sort of announcement ourselves. To keep it under our own control."

"What, you mean like a wedding announcement, but in _Weekly Go_?" They both giggled.

"I don't think they would go for that, Shindou. Go players tend to be older men with traditional ideas. Probably the stodgiest people in Japan."

"That's exactly why _Weekly Go_ should adopt a same-sex couple as spokesmen! They're always talking about how to draw in young people. If we came out, we'd be guaranteed to get more young female fans interested in Go. It would make Go seem cool! Sexy! Pitch it to Amano-san like that, and he might just go for it. He'd probably give us a reality show on GoTV."

"You have got to be joking, Shindou."

"I can see it now. Cameras follow us around at home. I'd have my shirt off most of the time. To attract that female demographic. Now don't sulk, you'd be popular too. Always trying on new outfits, each one more outrageous than the last!"

"I don't wear outrageous outfits!"

"Hey, you can't expect a reality show to be a perfectly accurate picture of our lives. It would be scripted to bring in maximum ratings. There'd be focus groups. If they liked my tattoos in episode 3 I'd have tattoos all over by episode 4. How about one down here?"

"I don t think they'd let you show _that_ on TV, Shindou. Well, I suppose the Go channel is on cable."

After that the conversation became even less sensible and Shindou's original point was forgotten for the time being.

* * *

A few days later Shindou had the day off. He slept very late because he'd stayed up half the night studying all the kifu he could find for his next league opponent. Looking at the clock by the bed, he could see that Touya should be home from his match in a couple of hours.

He slouched around the apartment for a bit, trying to decide what to do. He looked in the freezer and saw a couple of steaks. They hadn't eaten beef lately; maybe he should defrost them. There's no law that says you can only have steak when you're celebrating something, he thought. But hadn't they been planning to go out to dinner with Saeki-san tonight? Or was that tomorrow? He'd better text Touya and ask. Touya would remember. If Touya's match was still going on his phone would be off, but he always remembered to turn it on again after. Touya always remembered everything.

Shindou couldn't find his phone.

This was annoying but, he had to admit, not all that unusual. Probably it was lying around the apartment. If Touya were only at home, he could ask him to call his number. Then the phone would ring and he'd track it down, typically in the pocket of something he'd been wearing lately and discarded on the floor or draped over a chair or something. But Touya wasn't here, so he decided he'd better find it himself.

Twenty minutes later he gave up. It hadn't been in the pocket of any clothes he could see, or anywhere near the bed. He had even looked inside the gokes (his keys had turned up in there once - he still had no idea how that had happened). Exasperated and unable to think what else to do, he settled down to study Go and wait for Touya.

Finally Touya returned home from the Institute.

"Touya, could you call my number? My phone has gone missing again. It must be around here somewhere but I just can't find it."

"Actually, I had it with me." Touya held out the missing phone.

"You had it? Well, whatever, just give it here." He turned the phone on and it rang instantly.

"Don't answer that!"

"What s going on, Touya?" The screen of his phone indicated that the caller was Waya. "You didn't have a fight with Waya, did you? I don't see why the two of you can't get along-"

"I haven t had a fight with anyone, Shindou. I'll explain once the phone stops ringing."

The ring tone stopped. A different tone then indicated that he had a new voice mail. This was soon followed by the chime that announced a new text message. Seconds later, this chime was repeated. Shindou called up his inbox. It calmly informed him that he had 36 missed calls, 23 voicemail messages and 68 unread text messages.

"Touya! What's happening?"

"Well, I had an idea this morning, and I thought that if I, um, borrowed your phone then nobody would disturb you. Maybe I should have asked you first, but you were asleep, and so-"

"And, and? Why do I suddenly have 68 unread text messages?"

"Well, you said the other day, if I had an idea of how we could, um, make some sort of announcement, that you'd be OK with it. So I-"

"You told Amano-san? I was just kidding about that reality show, Touya! I'm not going to have to get tattooed now, am I?"

"I didn't tell Amano-san. Anyway, Weekly Go doesn't come out until Thursday."

"And we came out today, apparently."

"Yes. Shindou? You did say you'd be OK with it, remember? If I had an idea of how to tell people?"

"Just tell me what you did before I go completely insane. Did you post photos of us on the internet? You're going to give me a seizure!"

"I told Ashiwara-san, and asked him to keep it in the strictest confidence."

Shindou had never laughed so hard.


	2. Touya Kouyou

"Any way you look at it, that's a terrible move, Shindou! It doesn't do anything at all to threaten black. Black should just make the obvious response here, which I see he did, and then…"

Touya's commentary was interrupted by the sound of front door of the house opening. Touya, breaking off his remarks, went quickly to welcome his parents.

"Welcome home mother, father."

"It's good to see you again, Akira-san," his mother replied, as formally as ever. Touya Akiko had always been very polite even within the family circle, but at the moment formality wasn't what Akira wanted from her. She said, _It's good to see you again _butAkira couldn't help hearing an unspoken _but it would be better if you didn't have that Shindou-kun with you. _When he had finally summoned up the courage to tell his parents about the nature of his relationship with Shindou, unsure of what reaction to expect, he had been afraid primarily of his father's disapproval. Despite the fact that Akira was now one of the top pros and had been living on his own for over a year, he still felt very much in the shadow of his father. The former Meijin was a very serious man, and his opinions had to be taken seriously.

So Akira felt great relief when his father, while not exactly endorsing his relationship with Shindou, didn't breathe a word of condemnation either. It was his mother who startled him with her quiet, understated yet unmistakable dislike for Shindou and for Akira's relationship with him.

Once, when he was leaving the house after a rather tense visit he heard his mother urgently whisper something to his father which Akira couldn't make out. To which the Meijin replied, loudly enough that Akira suspected he had been meant to hear it, "There are some choices a man must make for himself, even if he makes a mistake."

They ate dinner in strained mostly silence. Perhaps because Hikaru and Akira had brought takeout and so could not be unceremoniously dismissed, Akiko did not hint to Akira that his parents were tired after the flight from Beijing and would prefer to be left alone. They passed the meal with awkward conversation; the boys asking polite questions about the latest trip to China and being answered tersely, mostly by Touya Kouyou. Akira didn't like discord, but he had inherited the family stubbornness. His mother might not approve, but he wasn't going to give Shindou up. He wasn't going to disappear from his parents' life either.

After dinner Akiko shooed the men out of her kitchen, and all four of them could finally relax, Akiko tidying her already impeccable kitchen and the rest of them gathered around the goban in the next room.

"So what is this game you were arguing about so strongly as we arrived?" asked Akira's father.

"It's Shindou's game against Matsunaga 8-dan in the Honinbou second qualifying round. He's only a moku or two behind here, and his shapes are good, but then this move is just…it makes no sense. What does it accomplish? It's easy to defend against, just like Matsunaga-san did here." Akira placed the black stone.

"Let me see the kifu." The Meijin studied it for a minute or two. "So, after this Matsunaga's game collapses. This move is plausible enough, but not the best as we can see from white's response. Why don't you think Matsunaga saw it? And here, this move is a weak move, hardly a move one would expect from an 8-dan, even one who played his best go before either of you turned pro. Hmm?"

His father looked at him, ever the go teacher, and Touya knew that he must be missing something.

"Shindou-kun, did anything happen between this point," the Meijin said, pointing at the move of Shindou's that Akira had criticized, "and this?" He indicated the first weak move made by Matsunaga.

"Yes, Matsunaga went into _byoyomi_."

The Meijin folded his arms. "So you see, Akira, this 'bad' move did have an effect. One can't pursue such a strategy at just any time. But if you know that your opponent is short on time, then it might confuse him just long enough to make him waste precious seconds. Matsunaga-san is a careful, well-prepared player. He would have studied the kifu of past matches and seen Shindou's special ability. What did I hear Ashiwara-kun say..'even his bad moves are good.' Matsunaga would have felt as if he needed to think at this point, mulling over the meaning of a move to which he would normally respond in a moment."

"Actually, sensei," Shindou said, biting his lip nervously, "I wasn't thinking about all that. I was just trying to make the game more complicated."

"A good principle. The player in the lead should simplify the game. Reduce the number of possible paths, making his eventual victory more and more inevitable. The player who is trailing should increase the number of possible futures. If he can make enough paths, maybe one of them will be the path to victory."

"I still think he was lucky," Akira grumbled.

"Yes, luck certainly played a part," his father replied. "But the top players find a way to make themselves lucky."

Shindou and Touya spent the train trip home chatting about trivialities. The weather, what they were going to do tomorrow night, their upcoming schedules. Touya didn't say anything about his father's analysis of Shindou's match. Of course he was gratified that his father liked Shindou. Or, at any rate, liked Shindou's go. With father, the two were almost certainly connected. But Touya had gradually come to recognize a small part of him that was jealous of Shindou. Lucky Shindou, whose bad moves were good ones. Who became an insei after playing for one year. Who quit go entirely and came back stronger than before.

They arrived home, let themselves into the apartment and shut the door behind them.

Shindou stepped close to Touya, wrapping his arms around him. "So what are you thinking about? Come on, you've got something on your mind. I know you, I can tell."

Touya looked at the floor for a long moment. He looked up and hoped he wouldn't sound foolish. "I was being annoyed at how lucky you are."

Shindou kissed Touya gently. "Well, I _am_ lucky," he said.

* * *

_byoyomi_ or "extra time" in English begins when a player uses all of the time on his clock. Once in extra time, a player must make every move within a very short period of time, which makes it easy to make a mistake.

**A/N :** I intend to add more chapters but they will be more snapshots of Touya and Shindou as they live their post-canonical lives. That is, don't expect much plot unless one of the characters starts speaking to me. Oh, and though this is AkiHika I don't currently plan on supplying any details about the boys' sex life. Use your imaginations.


	3. Bedtime Story

Another chapter in my story with no plot.

Touya tells Shindou a bedtime story. The story is loosely based on the movie _Amadeus_, so if you haven't seen that you might not understand this very well. Perhaps spoilers for _Amadeus_ as well, though it's the sort of movie one can enjoy even if one knows the whole plot in advance. _I_ think so, anyhow.

* * *

One thing Touya had worried about, before he moved in with Shindou, was whether sleeping together would be difficult for him. Not sleeping together as in having sex. The sex had been fine. Well, almost always. There had been awkward, clumsy moments at first, even some embarrassing ones, and once an actual fight after Shindou had laughed at exactly the wrong time. But no worries, really. What _had_ worried him was _sleeping_ with, well, with anyone. Even Shindou. Touya had been an only child and had never really had close friends his own age to sleep over with. The idea of sharing a bed with another sleeping person had been, well, a little uncomfortable to think of, so Touya was surprised how quickly he got used to it. Not just used to it, but to like it, even to need it. The bed felt vast and empty tonight without Shindou. He had managed to sleep most of last night, and Shindou would be back from the go convention tomorrow night. But tonight he just stared at the ceiling.

Shindou had been strangely reluctant to go to the convention. Normally Shindou was enthusiastic about any sort of a trip, but this trip had required considerable urging (an uncharitable person might have called it nagging) on Touya's part to get his boy friend to go. He had had to remind Shindou that even now a large part of the go community remembered him as the one-dan who skipped all his matches. Only after he had practically dragged Shindou to the station and pushed him onto the train did a memory surface: wasn't it just after attending a convention just like this one that Shindou had abruptly started skipping his matches? Could there have been any connection? Had something terrible happened to Shindou at the convention? Maybe it wasn't something he should have been reminding Shindou of, after all.

Touya sighed. What was the point of thinking about such things? If Shindou explained his actions of that time by now, when would he? Though Touya had begun to sense that it wasn't because Shindou didn't want Touya to know. It was because talking, or even thinking about it all was painful for Shindou. In any case, Touya wasn't able to sleep just now, that was certain. He thought about going over some kifu but he knew he wouldn't be able to concentrate. He needed something mindless to do. That's when he remembered that DVD that Ichikawa-san had lent him.

It probably wasn't sensible to be watching a subtitled DVD when his eyes were too tired to focus properly. Did it even make sense for the characters to be speaking English in the first place? That made about as much sense as it would have to have them speaking Japanese. It should have been in German…maybe with some Italian here and there. The opening scene wasn't all that appealing either, with the crazy old man cutting his throat. Still, he had to do something. And Ichikawa-san would probably ask him about the movie, so he ought to at least watch enough to be able to make an intelligent comment about it.

So Touya settled down to watch the movie, paying only a bit of attention to it. Thoughts of Shindou, the go convention and of course Sai still wandered through his consciousness and distracted him from the story. It didn't seem all that interesting. An ambitious musician, who runs up against someone with awesome talents who unfortunately happens to be a loudmouthed jerk who wears flashy clothes and—

Ichi kawa-san and her sense of humor. If Touya had watched this a couple of years ago, either his head would have exploded or, more likely, he would have blockheadedly failed to see the obvious parallels between and Mozart and Shindou. Not to mention between himself and Salieri. Now _that_ was unflattering, Touya thought.

He watched the whole thing. Sad but compelling in a way. He knew that Mozart was doomed to die young, so that aspect of it didn't surprise him. He had to feel sad for Salieri, really. He was wondering just how much he, Touya, was really like Salieri when he fell asleep.

He woke to hear someone fumbling at the outside door. He only had time for his brain to register that it was barely six in the morning, he had fallen asleep on the couch and that Shindou shouldn't be back yet, when the door opened and Shindou came in.

"Touya, you're here!"

"Where did you think I'd be? It's practically still the middle of the night!"

Shindou wrapped his arms around Touya, squeezing tightly and burying his face against Touya's neck. "I don't know. I was just scared you'd be gone."

"Shindou—you didn't leave the convention early did you?"

"No, I just couldn't sleep so I got on a late train instead of going to bed. I needed to see you."

"So you haven't slept at all?"

"No."

Touya was flattered, in a way, but he wished Shindou would take better care of himself. "Well, I couldn't sleep very well either. But I should be OK for my match this morning. It's not someone I expect to lose to. But _you_ need to go to bed right away."

He got Shindou tucked in, the big baby, and went out into the kitchen to make himself some tea. He had about three hours before his match. Plenty of time to shower, dress and get over to the institute.

"Touya?"

"What is it Shindou?"

"I can't sleep."

Touya went into the bedroom. Shindou looked exhausted. Probably too tired to fall asleep easily, Touya realized. "What do you want me to do Shindou, tell you a bedtime story?"

"Please, would you?"

"Shindou, you're a grown man! Honestly, I don't see why I…" Touya gave up. "How about if I tell you the story of the movie I just saw? It's called _Amadeus_. Have you seen it?"

"No. What's it about?"

"Classical music." Shindou made a face. "But the fact that it's about music isn't really what's important. It's a story about two rivals. The important thing is the rivalry, not that it was about music."

"Could they have been rivals at go?"

"I suppose that they could have been. I mean, the story would still make sense that way." Well, some of it might.

"Then tell me the story as if it was about go." Touya sighed. He had wondered if being in a same-sex relationship would mean that he would miss out on having children. It appeared he had one already. He sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Once upon a time there was a boy who liked go better than anything in the whole world. All he wanted to do was to play go. But his father didn't like for him to play go. He said that go wasn't serious, and that his son should join the family business."

"Like Yashiro."

"Yes, I suppose. Anyway, the boy prayed to the God of go and promised that if only he could play go as much as he wanted to, he would devote his entire life to go. Every moment would be spent searching for the hand of God. He wouldn't marry, or try to get rich, or anything. Go would be his entire life."

"So what happened? Did God let him play go?"

"Well, I don't know if it was in response to the boy's prayers, or it would have happened anyway, but very soon after the boy made his promise to God, his father died of a heart attack. The boy inherited enough money to move to the capital city and study go full time. And he kept his promise to God. He avoided women, he didn't drink. He even dressed soberly." Touya looked at Shindou, who seemed bored by the story. Well, maybe he'd fall asleep quickly and Touya could get on with his day.

"He sounds like you, Touya. Except maybe that weird sweater you like."

"It isn't weird! Wait, which sweater do you mean?" Shindou just grinned at him. Hmmph. "He became a very strong player, and before many years had gone by he was one of the go instructors to the emperor." Suddenly Shindou was paying attention for some reason. "Everything seemed to be going very well, until a new go player showed up. He was everything that our hero wasn't. He dressed outlandishly, drank, chased low-class women, and was even disrespectful to the emperor. But he was very strong."

"Stronger than no fun guy?"

"Yes, though this wasn't obvious to everyone. After all, 'no fun guy' was a better go player than anybody at court except the new guy. Shindou, this is silly, I can't go on calling them 'no fun guy' and 'new guy'. Can't I just call them by their real names? They could still be go players."

"You mean their names in the movie? No. Call 'no fun guy' Touya." Touya rolled his eyes.

"Touya, huh. Very creative, Shindou."

"And call the new guy…Sai." Sai? Shindou still hadn't told Touya anything about Sai, apart from some oblique comments which left Touya just as confused as before. Touya suspected that this would be no different.

"Ok. Well, Touya could beat everyone at go except Sai. And the other players were just too weak to tell how strong Sai really was. But Touya, though he couldn't _beat_ Sai, he was strong enough to see Sai's strength. And it made him really mad."

"Mad? Why?"

"Touya had given up _everything_. He thought God had made a deal with him. He had dedicated his entire life to go. He had become very strong, but he still hadn't glimpsed the hand of God. He had assumed that if he kept on searching he'd keep getting closer. But then Sai showed up, and Touya realized that Sai was closer to the hand of God than he, Touya, would ever get. Sai, who was drunk half the time, spoke rudely to everyone and dressed like a clown. It was as if God had created Sai just to mock Touya. Even worse was that what go talent Touya had was enough for him to clearly see Sai's superior skill where others could not, but not enough for him to be able to beat Sai."

"So what happened?" Shindou sounded sleepy. Touya figured he might as well abridge the story a little. He wasn't sure how to adapt the rest of it to the go world anyway.

"Touya was so angry at God for sending Sai to him that he decided that he would destroy God's favorite. He used his influence to prevent Sai from getting good jobs. It wasn't that hard to do. Only Touya really understood how good Sai was. And Sai didn't make things any easier for himself. He kept on being rude to people, even to the emperor. As a result he was denied prestigious jobs, such as being an official go instructor to the emperor. He couldn't get work teaching go to the other members of the court, and he ended up playing shidou go in cheap go salons. He barely earned enough to pay his bills. He started drinking more, and not eating enough. One night Touya heard that Sai was sick, so he rushed to his house. Sai was lying in bed, very ill indeed. He was glad to see Touya, and asked him to write out a couple of kifu."

"Kifu?"

"Yes. I suppose Sai realized that he was going to die, and wanted to leave behind some memory of himself. He was too weak to hold a pen, so he dictated the kifu to Touya. The kifu were so beautiful that Touya realized that he couldn't hate Sai any more. In fact, he would have done anything to save him, now that he had experienced Sai's go. Touya finally realized that he loved the beauty of Sai's go so much that he didn't care that it came from a rude drunk with bad taste in clothes. But it was too late. Sai died."

"And that's the end? Just like that? It's an awfully sad ending." Shindou yawned.

"Yes, and I suppose it's even worse than that for poor Touya in the movie version where they're musicians. Years after Sai's death, Touya's songs are all forgotten but everybody knows Sai's songs even though he was not popular while he was alive. I'm not sure how that would work in a go story."

"Maybe Sai invented some new joseki that nobody understood while he was alive, but after he was dead people realized that they were good after all, and everybody started to play them. It's still a sad ending even if it's about go."

"Well, if it'll cheer you up at all, somebody has probably written a happier ending for the story. Just look on the internet and there'll be a version where before Sai dies Touya tells him 'I never knew how beautiful go was until I saw your kifu', and Sai says 'I finally found someone who appreciates me despite the fact that I'm such a loud, impolite oaf!' and Sai gets better and they live happily ever after."

"Nobody would believe an ending like that." Shindou's eyes were closed now.

"Maybe not. But somebody's probably written that ending anyway. About Mozart I mean. Not about the version of the story where they're go players. I just made that up. And anyway, you could probably think of a happier way to end it that wasn't totally unbelievable, couldn't you?" Shindou didn't answer. He's asleep, Touya realized. He sat there for a minute looking at Shindou's face. Everyone always looks so peaceful asleep, he thought. He was just getting up to leave and get on with his day when Shindou, his eyes still closed, spoke:

"After Sai is dead he appears to Hikaru in a dream and tells him that it's OK to play go, and he's not mad at him for being so selfish."

Touya stared at Shindou. He didn't know what to say to this. He sat there for a couple of minutes, until he realized that Shindou was fast asleep.

He stood up and went to get ready for his match.

* * *

**A/N**: This was actually my first Hikaru no Go story idea ever. I only wrote a paragraph or two and then it sat on my computer until now. I'm a lot better at starting things than finishing them. I decided that I needed to finish it now, though, because I had a follow-on idea: write the "Mozart death scene" from _Amadeus_, but with Shindou and Touya instead of Mozart and Salieri. I couldn't write that without writing this first, could I?


End file.
